Transgender: A Primal Fear

For several years, I’ve been trying to work out why trans people trigger others to such a degree that their only reaction is to anger and hate. Gay and lesbian people don’t seem to trigger to the same level of vilification, although over several decades in the UK and other countries around the world, gayness has been a source for religious persecution and discrimination by many who have been emboldened by rhetoric from mainstream politicians. And yes, it does start at the top. When we see our politicians demonising those who are different, this gives some permission to do the same.

And this is undeniably shown in the UK where the then Thatcher government created Section 28 in the 1980s, right in the middle of the AIDS crisis which became known as the gay plague. No wonder they did very little research into AIDS to bring about healing. A punishment from god they said.

I guess that gayness and trans is, for the religious amongst us, a source of challenge as it drives them mad with frustration and anger, that they see a world that doesn’t fit with their view of how things should be. Rather than work out that their beliefs are actually harming themselves, they choose to demonise those who they see as the problem, one that needs removing. The religious feel the pain, not those who their vitriol is directed, although deep scars form in the LGBT+ community when they are beaten, with words or deeds, or even murdered. It doesn’t matter what the cause is, that pain will remain within the religious until they expunge everything they deem an abomination, or opposes their world view. The religious don’t care who they hurt as long as they get what they want.

The religious haven’t yet seen the connection between their beliefs and the enmity they receive from those in the LGBT+ community they choose to persecute. When someone thinks they are being attacked, why would they act any differently to their attackers. It takes a very strong person not to act the same as their attackers. Turn the other cheek sort of thing. If you choose to act in the same way as your perceived enemies, you become the enemy. You need to stand on the moral high ground.

When you point at someone, three of your fingers are pointing back at you. So, by the universal constant of what you give out, you get back, but three fold, you cannot outrun or avoid the result of your actions. This is not the knowing of the difference between right and wrong, as this, in my view, doesn’t go nearly far enough. It’s the realisation and understanding that you will feel, eventually, the pain you engender in someone else because of the beliefs you force on another human being.

It seems that trans people activate primal fears in cisgender people whether they be gay or straight. Gender gives people a deep sense of self, almost reptilian in nature, that when this is challenged, people will react due to their innate confusion about who they are. When they are shown it’s possible to embrace a different gender to the one given at birth, or should I say, expected at birth, that the foundations of who they are is shaken.

Gender is not the same as physical sex. DNA drives the physical form and can be considered immutable. Trans people do not change their sex, but instead, embrace a different gender, one that expresses more their sense of self. Trans people may, or may not, have surgery to bring harmony between their sense of self and their body. When I, as a trans woman, embrace my gender differently to someone else, it does not affect anyone except me. But others think it does.

And many cisgender people think it’s ok to ask trans people if they’ve had operations, or not. They sexualise us, taking more than a passing interest in our bodies as though they have rights to us. When trans people ask the same question in return, cisgender people are mortally offended as though we have no right to question their choices. It’s like, we have to accept their idiosyncrasies, but they don’t have to accept ours.

Gender is driven by societal norms, but also has elements of physiological brain function. Brains require chemical reactions in the synapses to create thought, emotion and feeling. Gender is a feeling. And a very difficult one to describe with just words. It is simply a chemical reaction.

My existence cannot be debated. I exist. And so do the many who exhibit different expressions of gender. Trans people are not asking for special treatment. Just equal treatment. Banning trans affirming care is not the answer, and neither is defining who shall enter a particular toilet, or not. And by what measure do you decide? Who checks?

Another universal constant is the law of unintended consequences. If not thought through very carefully, you can end up causing problems for the very people you state you are trying to protect whilst at the same time increasing discrimination against a very small minority of the population. Unless that is your aim.

Increasing visibility for trans people is good as it brings us more opportunities for healing, but also has the opposite effect of increasing hostility from those who have different agendas, and those are definitely not compassionate agendas.

Parents who wish to support their children for who they are, cannot be defined as child abusers. The religious ban these important care structures, but conveniently forget that catholic priests abused children over many decades and covered it up. Many more children were affected by this type of abuse than the small number of trans children they insist on calling child abuse. The duplicity of the religious is astonishing. This is religious indoctrination. And don’t forget, trauma inflicted upon young children by priests, creates deep seeping scars which are leaving those same adults with PTSD and other illnesses which are not healed with time. Gender affirming care is not child abuse.

The religious are unable to see past their beliefs and cannot, or will not, admit that their actions create trauma in trans children. What they conveniently forget is that other children will be affected too. When they see their peers being vilified and victimised, you are instilling fear and judgement in them which will take years to process. These children will see judgemental adults who are unable to allow for difference and so these children will hide themselves in case those same adults vilify them. When you suppress the part of a child you don’t like, you don’t suppress that part alone. You suppress every part of them. And all the gifts they were given to bring to the world.

What would the computing world look like today had they not vilified Alan Turing to an early grave. Hard to say. But I would suggest the computing world would look very different. It seems to me that society has yet to grow up and see individuals as unique human beings.

To help resolve the toxic narrative currently in the media, we need the voice of those in the middle who can see both sides. When the narrative is too distant from reality, shouting only creates a Twitter sphere set of arguments instead of the nuanced conversation that must be had to resolve situations for all concerned.

Until this happens, the primal fear triggered in each and everyone of us is used by the far right to offer that they, and only they, have the solutions to solve the ‘transgender problem’. The far right are simply using you, and your fear, against you. The far right will manufacture and manipulate the fear already within us for their own ends. They are not interested in solving problems, but simply create more separation so they can limit freedoms. This happened in Germany in the 1930s. Forget this, and you will go down the same path. Once all the minorities are gone, they will come for you next. They don’t care who they hurt as long as they get what they want.

Book banning is a simple, but very effective way of starting the fascistic rhetoric and continues until each of the minorities are subjugated to the distant edges of society. It reminds me of the burning of the Library of Alexandria. Who knows how much important knowledge was lost.

When I was a child, I knew I was different. But it’s only now in my 70th year do I acknowledge how big that difference is. My foundation is rock. My compassion is layers upon layers of colourful strata bedded in that rock. My foundation is unshakable. The house others forced me to make on that foundation began to crumble, a fragile reminder of who those fragile people were. Once that house had fallen to dust, I was able to build my own house, one that represented the true me.

No matter how many masks they wore, I could see their fragility hiding beneath. That made them afraid. And because they were afraid, they blamed me for showing them that fragility. I’ve only now fully understood the gifts I have. That gift is empathy, and not your common or garden empathy. I can feel the shoes people walk in metaphorically speaking.

I cannot see the detail of their lives, but I can feel the result of decades of experience which forms their sense of self. The most compassionate and empathic souls are those who can see in the dark. Most people are very adept at hiding parts of themselves in the dark places where no one can see, and particularly hidden from themselves. It’s that, ‘If you can’t see it, it doesn’t exist’ sort of mentality. But that doesn’t mean it has no affect on your life. Those dark places will always be there until you choose to shine a bright light on them thus dealing with the past trauma.

Over the decades, I hid from myself, until a moment of revelation brought wisdom, and a very big light bulb. I could no longer hide from all the bits of myself I hated. But, I only hated those bits because others had told me to hate them.

Finally out in the open, it took decades to reincorporate those hated parts. I used the gifts I had been given on myself. Most people look within while at the shallow end of the pool and rarely dip more than a toe. I had to spend decades in the deep end, fully immersed in the pain, in the dark, where no one else could venture.

It’s a very lonely journey. But a journey we each have to take. It’s a journey that is never complete as further nuances are uncovered which add considerably to who we are. I’m still not sure if this is an evolution of my consciousness, or the wisdom of just getting older. I suspect the former, as the ability to see into the darkness of another person is generally unavailable to most. I can’t know for sure, but seeing the state of the world, and the tribal nature of human beings, I think we have a very long way to travel before people see difference as the norm rather than something to be feared.

The anti-woke people are terrified of looking within. They denigrate those who are awake, as to be awake is to be aware of others and aware of themselves. And being awake is to accept that others will be different to you. It takes courage to be one’s self in today’s society particularly with the anti-woke ramping up their rhetoric to huge levels. This is driven largely by their fear. They are simply terrified of themselves. Looking at your soul is very challenging.

Most people are influenced by simple Twitter sphere comments, don’t think for themselves, and don’t question the lies wrapped up as truth. Those who are awake are not limited by the beliefs of others and form their own opinions based on their perception of the world. And their perception is generally based more in compassion and kindness rather than religiously biased belief. Those who are awake are the anathema of the anti-woke.

I just feel sad that people’s lives are rocked by a belief that should’ve died out centuries ago. What is ‘normal’ changes depending on the society and the time period. By now, I would’ve thought human beings would’ve grown up, balancing their technological advancement to their ethical advancement. We spend more on ways to kill people than we spend on ways to heal people.

What a sorry world we live in.

As someone who can see into a person’s soul, I have great compassion for those whose experiences in life gave them a set of beliefs that do nothing, but create indescribable pain for them when all they are able to see around them is a world that opposes those beliefs. What experiences told them that it is ok to diminish another person? If the only way they can feel better about themselves is to denigrate another then do the beliefs they hold really have any value?

What I would say to the far right zealots and the religious amongst us, is ‘How dare you make them afraid because you are.’