Gender Confusion: from a Spiritual Viewpoint
Written October 1998
When I first sat down at my computer to write this article my intent was to focus entirely on the origins of gender confusion as taken from a Spiritual viewpoint. As it progressed, however, it soon became clear to me that the article had, somehow, taken on a life of its own and was becoming something more than I had originally intended it to be. It became something far more potent in its content, far more challenging to people’s views and beliefs.
About eighteen months ago I decided to face the dis-ease I had with myself - my gender dysphoria. During my researches into this confusion, about its origins and about how I may reduce or even eliminate its effects on my life and well being, I searched through many pages of literature, both from sources on the Internet, in libraries and in bookshops. I soon discovered that most of the books I read were written in a very clinical way dealing with the subject but leaving out that which is the human spirit, treating the symptoms and not the person. I feel the most important part of the person is the Soul. Other books mentioned God and Spirituality in passing but even these failed to scratch more than the surface.
I decided then it was time to deepen the scratch and to look further into this side of the subject. I have since found out something quite extraordinary about gender confusion and its origins. Reading the transcript will no doubt confirm this for many. I think this new information will make sense to most, if not all, people who are currently finding their confusion hard to deal with. Sometimes, and I have experienced this myself, that if you find the cause, some reason for a difficulty, that extra piece of the puzzle falling into place lessens the impact of the difficulty, and in some cases, releases the difficulty altogether.
What made me look to God in the first place? Well, nothing spectacular. Unless you consider, the deaths of four close friends and family, a 20 year job due to redundancy, and my wife moving out to live with someone else, nothing spectacular. All this happened in 1994 and in the space of seven, very short, very turbulent and excruciatingly traumatic months.
Pre 1994, my perception of life was one where I viewed it as a string of very painful events, one following on directly after another, of fear about many things, of fear about what people thought of me, and of obstacles to work my way around. I spent most of my time, if not all, plotting ways to circumvent problems, to prevent myself from looking at, and dealing with things that were very painful. I was quite successful at this, in my own way, but there comes a time when events conspire against you and become just too big to work around. In the end you have to face them or fall.
My view now, post 1994, is that life presents to us a series of wonderful lessons, great opportunities for learning and growth which we can embrace fully or ignore, as is still our choice. If we choose to embrace these, it does not make them any easier to handle, but it shortens their lifetime and also allows us to accrue valuable experience and knowledge so we might use these in other lessons. In this way, the lessons become less potent and more rewarding.
I really do believe that it is right that we should pass on to others our knowledge and experience, to awaken them. And, certainly not to force-feed, for they would merely become resentful of the intrusion. The way is to guide them, to empower them, in a gentle way, allowing them to become aware in their own time, of the resources they already have within themselves to solve problems. The saying ‘You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink’ holds as true here as it has ever done.
Now to the transcript. Edwin Courtney has certain gifts that provide him with the ability to tune into other, higher realms of energy. He is a channel, a clairvoyant and a healer. Those people that choose to have a reading are advised that they must be discerning and questioning in the information they receive and to not take it as truth but to way it up with their own belief systems. They may eventually decide to accept what they hear or to discard part or all of the information. In any event the choice is theirs.
Likewise, dear reader, you must be discerning and questioning yourself and take onboard only those pieces you find compatible with your beliefs. You may decide that what you read here is a load of hogwash. I am quite sure responses to this article will be as varied as there are people.
What now follows is a word for word transcript of a recording that took place in October 1998. There has been no editing to make it more palatable for the squeamish. Be discerning.
Contrary to popular belief, the Universe is not perfect. God, the Divine consciousness that is ever expanding and growing, seeks increased and further perfection through understanding of the physical Universe that was set in motion by Him that has not been completely created by His hand.
Mankind has worked his will upon the Earth and upon himself in order to create an Earth that is now, far transcended the original blueprint that the Divine created at the beginning of time. The gift that God gave Man, free will, and also Man’s capacity to create as God creates has ensured that the World around you has become very different to how it was first perceived to be.
This imperfect state exists on all levels. The Universe is a contradictory place, although chance events occur that seem to be, indeed, most inharmonious. The Universal laws tell us that all flows in accordance with the Universes Plan and Will and that all is perfect, even though we would perceive this as being far from this.
Let us then, put into context those things we have just uttered. Let us then, make them relevant to your present predicament, to the decisions that face you and to the situation in which you now rest.
Indeed, in this incarnation, you were originally destined to be born a female. Your Higher Self, your Soul, had decided that this incarnation would be feminine. It had plotted the perfect time and the perfect place for this incarnation to occur. It was necessary, needed and required for your Soul’s continued growth and evolution, that the experiences that you have embraced in this lifetime were to be embraced now.
When the appropriate time presented itself in order for the Higher Self to cast down to Earth a splinter of itself that will grow into you, it was discovered that the plans of the Higher Self had been diverted in some way, that there was no longer an opportunity through which the Soul could incarnate a piece of itself into a feminine form. A decision had to be made. A decision whereby the Soul could choose whether or not to send a splinter of itself down into a male form in order to continue the incarnationary cycle that was so important to its evolutionary development or whether to abandon the incarnation in its entirety. It was decided that the Soul would go ahead with its plan and that the splinter of itself that had been prepared would be incarnated into a masculine body.
As we say the Universe is not perfect. Is not infallible. It has its quirks, its mistakes. It has its wrinkles that cannot ironed clear. And this was one of those.
The free will of an individual is not located only in the heart and mind, but it is, to a certain extent also located within the body consciousness too. Although the body of your mother had received the impression from your Higher Self that the vessel for its Spirit was to be created female, the body rejected this notion and created a masculine form which became the vessel through which you have now known life. The Higher Self could not abort this vessel and attempt to recreate another for the window for that life was only then, is only now. And if it were to have attempted such a drastic notion or to have prevented the incarnation altogether, the valuable life experiences that you have provided your Soul with and that you are continuing to provide your Soul with now, would all have been lost and could never have been replaced in the specific ingredient, in the specific requirement that was needed and that is present within you.
The feelings that exist, the confusion, the desire, the need, is therefore on a Spiritual level. It is part of the very fabric of your Spirit, of your Being. It was created by your Soul, by your Higher Self and could not erased. It is not a fantasy, a psychological delusion, it is not an illness, it is not anything that can be found in the genetic structure of your physical form. It is something that exists within the patterning of your very quintessence.
There is no way then, that this can be removed, no amount of therapy, psychoanalysis, no drug, no healing, no hypnosis can remove this primary instinct for it is deeper than anyone can reach, than anyone is allowed to enter into. It is more powerful than anyone can possibly imagine. Why, the Divine itself could not pluck this from your Being even if it chose too.
Solutions therefore do not rest in therapy or healing, for this is not an illness or a disease. It is a part of your Being, a part of your Being that was always meant to be.
Solution lies for you in one of two areas. One of these is to live as you live now, with these feelings and these desires, unexpressed, unfulfilled, held inside yourself. Feelings that, in time, you may control with effort and will and discipline, but feelings that will always remain.
The secondary solution is to pursue the hormonal therapy that will alter the physical countenance of your form so that it will match the feelings of your Spirit. This may bring you harmony and peace, may bring you joy and fulfilment but there will be a price of course. Not a price that is asked of you by God but a price that will be paid to society, for society is not understanding in these areas of Divine Truth. Society is condemning. Society is blind and ignorant. Society is full of fear.
The sacrifices that would be made would be the understanding and acceptance of some of those people who you have come to know as friends and colleagues, the situations that would occur between yourself and your close friends and family. This would be intensely challenging, sometimes in areas where you would least expect it to be. But the fulfilment that it would bring would be something you would not be able to completely achieve if you chose the other path.
It is not our duty or our desire to tell you what must be done, these decisions must be made by you and you alone. However, we will support you by providing you with guidance and love and healing. By providing you with light. By providing you with words and energies that will allow you to absolve yourself from guilt that is illusionary in its totality. For you see, God does not judge and we do not judge either. We would look upon any decision that you would make with the same loving eyes of your Cosmic Brothers and Sisters who would always seek to support you in all that you would do. You see there is no crime, there is no crime in transforming the outer image to match the inner truth. In fact there is great harmony in this, great harmony and great peace.
You must therefore make your decisions based upon these truths that we have told, you must think carefully of course, but you must also think honestly with your heart. Decisions such as these cannot be made with the head alone. Logic does not enter into situations which dictate our continued happiness and joy.
As we say, whatever your decision we will endeavour to continue to support you in any way that we can, through healing, through guidance, through wisdom and through love. Ultimately, the decisions must be made by you.
The age at which you realised this truth is an age which is not uncommon to those people who are sensitive to their own Spirit’s dynamic. It is an age at which many people become aware of the true reason for their existence. Unfortunately, they forget this truth in time. It is an age of remembrance and awakenment and enlightenment to our own capacities and capabilities, our own potentials to what is meant to be, for ourselves and for those around us.
The tape provided further answers to other questions but these relate to my family and so are not relevant to this article. The tape ended with a final message:
Much has been given, much that requires thought, much that requires contemplation. Do so when you are at peace. Do not allow others to influence you mind but instead, find truth within your heart. There are times within our life when we must be selfish, when we must think of no one other than ourselves in order to make the decision that needs to be made. We cannot sacrifice our happiness, our life for others, that is not honouring our own Divinity, that is not acknowledging that we are part of God. We must love ourselves absolutely as God does, we must forgive our self completely and must not judge our self. And sometimes this self love in all its intensity means making a decision that we will know will anger and outrage all those around us. This not a sin, this is not a dark thing, this is the greatest Light, the greatest Love, that we can offer our self on Gods behalf. Therefore make your decisions well but make your decisions you and do not allow them to altered in any way by any other.
As you can imagine I am still reeling from the implications the black and white nature of this answer has for my future and it will sometime before I am able to make the right choice. I do have my concerns however, so I am being discerning and questioning of the information presented.
I use my intuition, my inner feeling, a great deal now, far more than before, and this has prompted further thoughts which it might be helpful to discus at this time.
Every Soul is at a different stage in its evolutionary cycle. Some are young, having had few incarnations on Earth and consequently, little experience. Mature Souls have had many more lives and old Souls, even more. Their ability to change rapidly to changes in circumstance is related to their experience and their ability to call upon past lifetimes for information which may be useful to those changes.
In the paragraphs that follow, as seems fitting, I use the example of a male, who’s Higher Self had originally prepared them to be incarnated in a female body.
It is my belief is that a true transsexual, that is, someone, who is completely and totally disgusted by their physical body, is a young Soul. They have not been able to adapt to the mis-incarnation that confronts them so the feeling of the ‘wrong body’ will always prevail. They feel that their only recourse of action in resolving their situation is hormonal treatment in order to transform their outer image to match their inner truth. There is no other way for them. They do however, face the struggle against society’s fear and ridicule and lack of understanding of this issue. They must, in the end, be happy with themselves and be selfish in this.
An old Soul, of course, will adapt very easily to these changes and therefore, the person can live happily in the new role with the only consequence being that they have a large feminine component to their nature. This allows them to be more communicative and responsive to the people around them just as a ‘real woman’ would be. For these there is unlikely to be any dis-ease or dis-harmony.
A mature Soul (and after much thought, I now include my self here), is that, although there is a great deal of confusion still experienced, they have been able to adapt fairly readily to the changes facing them and to live reasonably well in the new role. There is however, that feeling of confusion and dis-harmony where hormonal treatment is still a possibility but at a very much lower level. This may be more appropriate for some to prevent physical changes occurring but, at the same time, prompting a greater sense of harmony.
The content expressed here does bring up issues of reincarnation and communication with ‘the other side’ so may have a dramatic effect on people’s views and belief systems, and in particular, religion. Smack my wrist for even mentioning the subject. I find that some ‘religious’ people do anything to maintain their views at any cost, even though new information may require some adjustment on their part. We all have to move forward in order to grow.
Some think, that to suffer, is being religious and that God requires suffering so we may enter the Gates of Heaven. How far from the truth. God does not require us to suffer; it is only man’s interpretation of the facts that has made it so.
Finally, I would say that these are my thoughts and my views. It may be that none of this relates to anyone but me since these were my questions and therefore my answers. I give these so you may increase your knowledge and maybe, your balance and peace of mind. In any case read them, discard or digest, the choice is very much with you.
top |
