On July 29th 2012, I first met Mark Carter when I filmed the Olympic cycle races which came through our village.
On July 29th 2015, I emailed Mark to see if he would be interested in the book I was about to publish describing my experiences with gender dysphoria. I realised later that I had actually emailed to the hour of that first meeting. Such is the universal synchronicity.
I had not expected to hear for several days but he replied within ten minutes and asked me to come in to the BBC Surrey Radio studios in Guildford to record an interview. This I did and he listened intently with interest. Little did I realise that he had in mind a four part series over the coming week with a possible live broadcast on the Friday with June and myself.
The week has been a helter-skelter of emotion with feelings rising to joy one moment and dread the next wondering what I have let myself in for. Mark was wonderful as was his co-presenter Suzanne Bamborough. I was very surprised when I heard a news bulletin about me and that they were also broadcasting the story in their drive time slot in the late afternoon.
I must admit I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. Being ‘out there’ now has brought up so many other emotions for me that I alone can process. Elation is one and fear is another. Elation for the excitement factor but the fear because of the possible consequences of being slapped back into the place people think I should be. That is old programming. I am a software engineer after all so I should be able to reprogram my software to respond differently. Beliefs are just programming.
It feels like I have just alighted from a train that is destined for the sidings and I am about to walk to platform 9 3/4 and wait for the express that goes to somewhere completely new. It has no destination but the journey is what matters.
Below are the five recordings of me. I had permission to edit the clips so I can present them to you. They are the copyright of BBC Surrey Radio.
3rd August 2015 – Monday
4th August 2015 – Tuesday
5th August 2015 – Wednesday
6th August 2015 – Thursday
7th August 2015 – Friday
I am grateful to Mark and the team at BBC Surrey Radio for such a wonderful opportunity for the world to discover me. Simple thanks doesn’t seem enough. I have already discovered a lot about myself in this journey. I hope you will listen to my words and be inspired to find yourself in the noise given off by those around you. Freedom indeed.
Discover yourself, let the world discover you.