To Be or Not To Be That IS The Question
Written May 2010
The “be” to which I am referring is “being”. We are human beings not human doings. To “be”, as in rest, the experience of meditation, the quieting of the mind.
We incarnate on this earth for one reason and one reason only. And that is to express that which is within, that which is us inside, those innate qualities that make us who we are; our heart and soul, expressed fully and completely.
If we cannot do this then we short-change those around us giving them less than they have a right to expect or deserve. They leave wanting more than we are prepared to give because we have learned to hide and protect and defend what is inside through fear that others will attack or consider our innate qualities wrong, offensive, sinful or somehow immoral.
As we grow in life, evolving with every new experience, we gather beliefs, philosophies and concepts that rapidly let us down by preventing interaction with others there to help foster that growth. We cannot learn about ourselves unless we are in relation to another. Other people are there to act as mirrors to reflect those parts of ourselves that we cannot or will not look at or acknowledge.
Sure, we can meditate alone on a mountain top for many years to become “enlightened” but that is not real enlightenment because it has not taken place amongst the rest of the world. We need the challenge of those very differences in order to change. In our universe, change is the only constant.
If we choose to surround ourselves with those that have the same ideals, beliefs and philosophies, how can we possibly expand our horizon, refine our vision of the world and push against the envelope of restriction that those very beliefs foster.
To cultivate our own evolution, we must be in relation with those whose beliefs are different to our own, to be willing to communicate with those who we think are our enemies or rivals. It is only in that communication that we discover that they also have cloistered themselves by their own beliefs, philosophies and concepts. Once communication begins, understanding follows, leading to the inevitable freedom of thought, freedom of being, freedom from fear and the freedom to express.
Freedom is achieved by being willing to question ourselves, to question our beliefs and embrace the opportunity to question each other. If we are not willing to do this, our destiny will be to remain forever (e)motionless, frozen in a past long forgotten and thus lose any compassion we have for another.
My early years were in a society that had very specific views about gender roles and anyone that didn’t fit, was ostracised, forced to adhere, in some cases, beaten and in others, given electro-aversion therapy to make them “normal”. My parents wanted a boy as their first child so when I appeared, their lives were made wonderful. However, as I grew, it became obvious to me that I had qualities that did not fit with theirs and society’s “rules”.
I learned quickly to cover, suppress and hide those qualities from view placing major parts of myself in a box underneath the bed leaving visible only those parts that fitted in with society. Suppression never works as difficult issues and trauma and anger will always remain there festering, churning, waiting to surface, often at the most inopportune moments. Depression is the inevitable result of hiding oneself and this is what happened.
Beliefs are like rivers. One moment they are friendly and nurturing, smooth and calm and the next, become treacherous, damming, destructive and dangerous. Beliefs always have two sides, a yin and yang, to use an analogy.
For me those beliefs became destructive as I took on board other peoples beliefs about me, of how I should be, how I should act and how I should express myself. Eventually, after years of hiding my true nature from the world, I began hiding from the world, choosing to stay at home rather than face the constant onslaught of ill-treatment.
At the age of 42, I started to question everything and began looking at my beliefs in detail. Beliefs about me, beliefs about beliefs, beliefs about religion, and, in particular, my belief about other people’s belief about me. Nothing was left out.
In order to take on this task, I had to be willing to look at those feelings that were hidden deep inside the crevices of my mind, to be willing to throw away all my defences, to become vulnerable. We journey in life until the pain of where we are exceeds the pain of the unknown. It is only when we reach this point that the unknown becomes inviting. We choose then, to jump into the abyss and let go and let the universe rebuild us into something greater than we were before.
My beliefs were causing me nothing but great pain and struggle, a struggle that reduced my weight by a full three stone. Those beliefs rippled through every avenue of my life restricting me as a person, stopping my soul from shining and preventing me from being that vulnerable human being.
Now, some 17 years later, I discovered those hidden parts once again allowing them full and complete expression. My beliefs came from my thoughts and I can, with work, change my thoughts. We are not our thoughts and so, are not our beliefs. We are not who we think we are. Many become so attached to their beliefs that they become their beliefs, with their soul and identity subsumed and overwhelmed by nothing more than thoughts. Some also believe that an attack on their belief is an attack on them. We are not our beliefs.
My experiences have brought me to the point where I can simply “be” without judgement, “be” without religious doctrine and “be” without asking permission from another, and “be” myself. And to end, “be” free.
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